I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
