Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The power of my boobs compel you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
