he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
