Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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