Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
