it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
