did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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