If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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