I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
