You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
