I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
