I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
