Need sex. Gaining weight.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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