I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
