Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
