fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
