i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
