....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
