either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
