weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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