Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
