I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
not ubering you a puppy
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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