Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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