We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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