I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
