If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
