this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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