my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
