You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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