The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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