wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
