I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
