So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
