Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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