I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
