It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
