So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
