I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
