do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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