I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
