Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
