You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
