Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
