i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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