I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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