dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
