I am puke
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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