Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm getting married
To pizza
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
