I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
