I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
