So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
