HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
