My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
