Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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